What Is Consent?

That means people can be practicing consent LONG before it has anything to do with sex. You should ask consent to borrow your sister’s sweater! Consent starts when you are a little kid — way back when your caretaker taught you to say “please.”

The 6 Pillars of Consent

In the SafeBAE Certified Peer Educator Training, we teach consent through the 6 Pillars of Consent and how to apply them:

• Mutual — Both parties agree to any and all intimacy without pressure. Consent is often framed as one person asking and one person giving, but that isn’t how it works in practice. Consent is about mutual experiences and collaboration, where all people involved get to voice their desires and boundaries and have them respected.
• Ongoing — Consent that is given one time isn’t consent to any time after that, and consent that is given for one action is not consent for all actions. Keep checking in throughout — communication is KEY, and checking in is the MOST effective way to make sure you aren’t pushing someone out of their comfort level.
• Voluntary — Consent is voluntary when you genuinely want to participate — freely, clearly, and without pressure. You’re saying yes because you’re excited to, not because you feel pressured, worn down, or afraid to say no. NO doesn’t mean convince me!
• Sober — Everyone involved has a clear mind and the ability to make thoughtful, informed choices. If someone is inebriated, they can’t fully consent. Consent requires clarity — not confusion.
• Revocable — Either party can change their mind at any time, for any reason. No exceptions. No excuses. No pressure. Anyone can stop, and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad.
• Enthusiastic — A hesitant yes is actually a definite no. If someone isn’t having fun, stop and check in. The BEST kind of consent is when there is reciprocal pleasure.

Some Key Reminders About Consent

• Consent must be active, verbal, and enthusiastic.
• Silence is not consent.
• The absence of a “no” is not consent.
• Buying dinner, paying for a movie, or giving someone a ride is not consent.
• Going to someone’s room is not consent.
• Consent is not possible if someone is unconscious or asleep, under-age, under the influence of any substance, or being manipulated or pressured.

Good consent is a practice — so KEEP AT IT! And remember to be kind, respectful, and considerate to all your partners.