Supporting a Survivor

Opening up about sexual violence takes tremendous courage. If someone chooses to share their experience with you, here’s how to show up for them:

• Start by believing. The single best way to support a survivor is to believe them. Questioning their account — even out of shock — can be devastating and may keep them from ever opening up again.
• Listen more than you speak. Show you’re engaged: make eye contact, don’t interrupt, and let them share as much or as little as they want. You don’t need details to be helpful — never press for them.
• Validate their feelings. If they minimize what happened (“other people have it worse”), gently remind them they’re allowed to be as upset as they need to be. No assault is “not bad enough” to matter.
• Meet immediate needs first. Before processing emotions, make sure they feel physically safe and cared for. Something as simple as a glass of water, a snack, a cozy blanket, or asking if they want a hug can signal to their brain that they’re safe now.
• Let them lead. Follow their choices about whether to report, who to tell, and how to cope. Reporting can be re-traumatizing, so never pressure them to. You can help them understand their options while respecting whatever they decide.