What Are the Signs of an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship?

Unhealthy Signs to Watch For

Some unhealthy signs include: guilt trips, withholding affection, isolating you from family and friends, using money to control, unreasonable jealousy, ignoring or excluding you, refusing to communicate, constant put-downs, humiliation, saying “if you love me, you will…”, threats, intimidation, manipulation, blaming you, lying and cheating, always criticizing you, and violence or threats of it.

Abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, or financial. It includes things like gaslighting — manipulating someone into believing their reality is untrue — and love-bombing, an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection, like buying expensive gifts as an apology instead of changed behavior, or giving excessive compliments and then degrading you.

“Ride or Die” Isn’t Healthy Love

Loyalty shouldn’t come at the cost of your safety. Staying in a relationship out of fear, obligation, or pressure isn’t love — it’s control. Ask yourself: Can I speak up in this relationship? Are my boundaries respected? Am I free to leave without threats or shame? If the answer is no, that’s not healthy.

The Cycle of Violence

Abusive relationships often follow a cycle: escalating tension, an explosion, then apologies — where the abusive partner begs forgiveness, makes promises to never do it again, and tries to make it up to their partner. Then the cycle continues. This is part of why leaving is so hard: it takes on average 6 times for someone to permanently leave an abusive relationship. And leaving is the most dangerous time for a person in an abusive relationship, so safety planning matters.

If you are ending an unhealthy relationship, consider your safety and well-being first. If there has been violence, if you don’t feel safe, or if you’ve been persuaded to stay before, it is completely OK to end things over a phone call or text. You do not owe your abuser your physical body in any way.

Where to Get Help

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: text LOVEIS to 22522 or speak to a peer advocate at 1-866-331-9474. You can also visit loveisrespect.org. Everyone deserves a healthy, non-violent relationship — and abuse is never the victim’s fault.