What Is Sexual Coercion?

Coercion can be done intentionally or completely by accident, which is why it’s important to think about your actions and have open communication with your sexual partner. This can help them feel safe to say “no” without worrying about upsetting you or fear of anger for not agreeing to do what you want. People can be coercive in a variety of ways, such as guilting or pressuring people into doing things they don’t want to do.

“No” Doesn’t Mean Convince Me

Media often romanticizes “the chase” — where someone keeps pursuing after being told no. This framing treats dating like a game, where persistence equals success and boundaries are something to overcome. That’s not romance. Dating isn’t a game, and consent isn’t something to “win.” Part of practicing consent is being ready for and accepting when someone says no. “Maybe” and “I guess so” aren’t substitutes for “yes,” and asking over and over until someone gives in is not consent either.

It’s also important to think about pressure you might put on yourself — internalized pressure is as real as someone else pressuring you. You should never feel like you owe someone sex or that you should do it to make them like you, to seem older or more experienced, because they did something nice for you, because they might be in “pain,” or because you started and stopped.

Power Dynamics Matter

Sometimes coercion happens because one person has more power — they’re older, more experienced, more popular, or in a position of authority. Power differences can exist between young people, too. Think about a freshman dating a senior: age, social status, experience, popularity, and access all matter. When power imbalances exist, the person with less power may feel pressure to do more in order to seem mature, experienced, or worthy of attention — making consent feel less like a choice and more like an obligation. If you hold more power, you have responsibility. Let the other person set the pace, check in often, and be mindful that your position doesn’t influence their ability to freely say yes or no.

Remember: compliance is not consent. If someone gives in because they were pressured, threatened, or guilted, that was never consent.